I wish our state of health was separable from things that we wouldn't even imagine are connected; such as diet, attitude, our perspective on life, emotional health, etc. The truth is everything has a connection, and it can be overwhelming trying to tackle all these parts of life alone. That's why I write this blog, to help you navigate through it all. This post will focus on creating, "Habitual Happiness." A process of step-by-step directions- how to get from step one to mastering this character trait, and all it will take you is a few months or less. Let's get started ...
Level 1: send a voice message on what you're grateful for to a friend minimum 1 minute long. I recommend a study partner and not a personal journal. I found when doing this with a learning/growth partner I was much more successful for 3 reasons.
1. Hearing their voice expression creates more positive energy.
2. Your study partner will make you feel accountable and remind you to send the daily message. They won't be saying " Hey where's your gratitude message for today ", which may be counterproductive for motivation. When your friend simply sends a positive voice message to you, you will be reminded and encouraged to send one back as well.
3. Your gratitude partner will give you positive feedback on your voice messages, acknowledging and respecting you for adding God into your daily life.
Now, at first, it will be very difficult exercising this muscle, trying to think of things to be grateful for, so start with the basics... Thank you, God, for my lungs, my heart, my eyes, teeth, etc..... If you're starting this process as negative as I was, you'll find it difficult to get to one minute of being grateful, as that muscle is dusty and rusty and needs your therapy, but remember " all beginnings are hard." I promise you it will get a whole lot easier with time. After a about week, you will start to notice, that it's not just the 1-minute voice note that you try to think positively, but to your credit, you will start to see throughout your day what you can incorporate in your voice note to be grateful for! For example, the voice message will go from, "Thank you I can walk, talk, and can swallow", too - THANK YOU God that I slept well, and I came on time to work, and I had a delicious lunch! - Adding God to your daily life!. You'll get so good at it, that you will notice you passing the one-minute mark with ease and that you start to go on to continue to 2, 3, or 4 minutes!!! You will feel the positive energy from being grateful and you'll start craving more of it!.
I got to 5 minutes and then cut it down back to 2.5 minutes. My study partner loved the content but didn't like long voice messages in general. (by the way, it's important to note you can do phone calls, however voice messages are special because you can re-spark your positivity by re-playing a message, on a day you're finding it difficult to be positive during this process. There will be easier and harder days we are all in this together. If you finished level one Congratulations! You're ready for level 2.
Level 2: looking at your life, at the things that don't look good, and thanking God for those things as well, and it's ok if you don't mean it at first, as you will become more authentic and right now your just trying to exercise this gratitude muscle. For example, "Thank you God that my car broke down", "that I missed the train", "that I had a hard day at work", or "that I went on a date with a girl and it didn't work out." God loves you more than what's fathomable, and he knows that's best for us, and in the big picture, everything done is perfect for us even if we don't understand it. People ask me, Avi do you have the most amazing life ever? You're always positive with such good energy? I looked into it and saw I don't actually have the most amazing life but I exercised the gratitude muscle so much, that I attract good to my life with positive energy. To the extent that it was painful to try to look at my life for the things that aren't the best because I trained my mind to see the good, and that feeling is so rewarding and awesome that it feels way better than the negative energy that comes along with focusing on the bad. But when I was struggling with this, I wouldn't have believed you if you told me gratitude feels better, I was so comfortable in my being a victim to life, negativity, depression, and seeing the bad. But like I did, give yourself a chance, you won't look back! and now the final level.
Level 3 is where you exercised your positivity and your gratefulness, seeing Hashem in your daily life to such an extent, that you don't EVEN SEE negative anymore!!. This is a level you ALL can achieve anyone can do this you don't need to be extra special, it just takes work with constant repetition and growth to work out that muscle. Here's an example, someone spilled wine on my suit and I didn't get angry for a second, it's meant to be, - with a smile on my face - with zero negativity. Another example, I had a wonderful pet tortoise, which was an adorable and expensive pet - that is now gone, not the first feelings that came to me were thank you, God, you run a perfect world, and this was the best thing for me, maybe it was too much of a distraction and God is telling me I outgrew it...I had 10 thoughts pop in my head of reasons why it's the best thing for me. These are two examples of level 3, it's not that I see the positive in the negative, but rather there is no negative in my life!! Even with things that happen to me that look bad and messed up, I don't see it that way, because my negative eye I chose to not use and it is now stiff and would need therapy to work again, and I don't plan to give it any exercise! I'm here for a few years on this earth, an ambassador for God-given many tests to pass, and having this gratitude muscle fully tuned up and ready to work no matter what the situation it's a great tool in life to carry in our toolbox
In my situation, after level 2, I didn't need to send the voice notes to my study partner anymore, I do it sit sometimes for fun, but after doing it for a few months I created a generator of positive energy inside me. I was motivated to goes to level 3 and I didn't need any outside motivation anymore!!. When you're so positive people around you start to feel it, and without needing to say anything, people want to be around you. I have a genuine appreciation for people and tend to give compliments. When dealing with a client, I usually get a response such as Avi you see all that good in me? what about this and this that isn't good about me, don't you see that? I respond to them of course I see all this good you amazing, and regarding the negative, what negative? Why would I want to focus on that, there's so much good! Now I'm on to other character traits to work on as this one is in a good place, create healthy habits and it will take zero effort to be positive!. You can ALL do what I did and get the same results, this will transform you!! Enjoy!
P.S. The study partner voice message idea was from my friend Gershon, a wonderful person, I don't want to take credit for something that is not mine, he started the concept. I built upon the idea in levels 2 and 3, and I tell others about it all the time. they come back to me, and tell me this worked wonders in their life!!! YES IT DOES!
A follow-up from emails and other feedback on this post.....Personal Journaling has its place. when all your friends are busy with their lives and you may not have someone to share your gratitude with, your study partner may be busy one night, or maybe you haven't found one yet. Personal Journaling is useful when thinking over your day, working on character traits. You want to speak it over with someone, However your afraid of feeling judged. Personal Journaling can give you the satisfaction of you "getting it out ", and as if someone is listening. However as I said previously, I'm personally a much bigger fan of building real people relationships, instead of that with a notebook, but it does have its place, and I have used one in the past as well.
Another reader gave feedback explaining they take the middle ground approach, such as not getting lost in emotions, but at the same time being present in them, not suppressing them. They got the impression I may be suppressing my negative feelings when working out gratitude muscle. I'm so happy they pointed this out because this is very important this is clarified. Don't rush through any levels. In the 3 step process, take your time to enjoy the journey, this is not a race. Always be mindful of your feeling and never suppress them (in this context ). For example, if I missed multiple trains one day, and I'm sad about it, I shouldn't make believe I'm happy about it (you'll get there one day) but for now, take a sigh, be present with the sad feeling, and then say "Thank you, Hashem, for this because I believe it's the best for me" - as your the one orchestrating every step in my life.
I appreciate any feedback
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